Pages

Sunday, March 13, 2011

I blew up my kitchen...sort of (Senior Prank)

         It was my senior year of high school, the time when cheating in order to graduate is acceptable and students expel the same effort in devising a plan to prank the school as they do studying for finals. My friends and I, aptly named the GBC (Gameboy Crew...we named ourselves that in order to simultaneously make it known that we were self-proclaimed nerds while additionally lampooning other groups at our school that made serious "crew" names for themselves) decided to make our mark in high school history. Our "senior prank" was two-fold and had the complexity of a simpleton.

          Phase 1 was to "T.P." the campus' trees with beer cans. In order to complete this mental-midget of a feat, we drank cases of beer every day after school and tied sets of two cans together so the string would get caught on the branches. We spared no expense and only bought the best...literally:


Drinking the Beast in high school was smart and I'll tell you why: When a twelver only costs $3.98 its much easier to hide the purchases from your parents. So a semester and a half of us playing beer pong in my buddy's garage while his mom was at work paid off when we had about 10 large garbage bags full of empty beer cans. Phase 1 of our operation was all set and on standby.

          Phase 2 was a little more complex. The "thing to do" at our high school was to throw eggs into the quad (the large open area in the center of campus where all of the students gathered during breaks). Problem was, we had a campus narc and a campus police officer. In order to evade capture people either threw from a distance, donned masks and ran at a proper speed necessary to outmaneuver the enemy (more like a brisk walk), or they just didn't give a crap and threw the eggs in broad daylight. My idea included a way to throw eggs in broad daylight yet still remain mostly undetectable. I was going to build multiple smoke bombs (recipe via the Jolly Roger Cookbook) and strategically place them around the quad to create both a distraction and a smoke curtain. In order to make my cloudy concoction, I visited the local nursery (before you think of something stupidly clever to say, it's the kind for trees...not babies) to pick up some tree-stump remover. That, mixed with everyday sugar and some heat produces a very effective smoke-bomb. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. <------ = my disclaimer.  


THIS:+ THIS: 

= DISASTER 
          
          Cooking the ingredients into a finished product seemed easy enough: add ingredients together, heat, stir. There was NO way I could mess this up...Apparently when the Jolly Roger Cookbook said "use low heat" it actually meant "use low heat". Patience is not one of my well-renown attributes so I was unable (rather unwilling) to see the risk in using medium low heat to speed things along. I will never forget what happened next. I was stirring the mixture in the pot on my parent's brand new Viking Range stovetop with the family dog (the most awesomest, yet mildly overweight, yellow lab ever) aiding in my endeavor...or she thought I was cooking food and was waiting for an opportunity to eat something. Whatever, same difference. Anyway, as I was stirring the ingredients, which were still in solid form, I noticed large air bubbles forming below the surface. All of the sudden chinese new year was happening in my kitchen: the air bubbles exploded, ignited, and turned the once powderish mixture into globs of flaming napalm that showered the kitchen. I somehow managed to turn off the heat, grabbed my fat dog and ran. Thick whitish-grey smoke filled every square inch of the house and was billowing out of the open windows and the front door. Neighbors that were meanwhile washing their cars, mowing their lawns, or doing whatever gated-community neighbors do on their weekends, blissfully ignored my predicament and continued their abstention from my seemingly emergency situation. When I realized I was on my own and deemed it safe, I returned to ground zero to assess the damages. I felt like a scumbag when I saw the aftermath.


          After the smoke finally cleared, the first thing I noticed was that the cabinets next to the range top were charred. Bad? Yes, but a failed cooking story could make for an adequate extenuation. Then I saw the floor. Remember those flaming globs of napalm? On a 10 foot by 3 foot rectangular plot of hardwood flooring there were a couple dozen inch-wide and half-inch deep holes created by caramelized regret. Needless to say I was f**ked because I could not think of a single excuse that would explain that away. Following this incident, an ironic summer of working in a warehouse loading and unloading Viking Range household equipment on and off trucks paid for the deductible on my parent's homeowners insurance. Yes, insurance covered this epic disaster despite my mother reiterating to the insurance agent that "my son was building a bomb" (she clearly didn't want me escaping full punishment).

          The silver lining in this story, outside the story itself, was that I escaped a bombardment of molten smoke-bomb mixture with only a few unnoticeable burns on my left arm and the knowledge that the smoke bomb definitely worked. Oh, and we littered the sh*t out of the campus foliage with a copious amount of beer cans that same night. GBC4life.

- LazyTheKid

35 comments:

BORIS said...

Badass students i wish i was one

reviewsandtherest said...

hahahaha dem rebels

greenluigi123 said...

hahah nice story, made me laugh

Zakk said...

Love your blog! Totally going to show my support and follow!

FrostUser said...

Bet you were in t rouble lol

Anthony said...

Worth it

Xavion Zenovka said...

lmfao funny shitman followed

Eric said...

Nice story. Its a shame about the kitchen though, could have been an amazing prank.

galivice said...

Wow...impressive effort. Makes me wish I had done something like this.

David.Ritz said...

I laughed.

jgarceau said...

oh you wascally wabbits!

John A.S. said...

funny story, had a good laugh :p
following you, hope you post more funny stories!

Ian said...

Funny. You were lucky to get away without doing any real harm to yourself! And littering? hmmm

Just A Nerd said...

dude, get a cheap hot plate and cook that shit outside!
should have just staged a small grease fire to cover your tracks, "But the bacon just exploded!"

Saul said...

Hahah I wish I had done something like this in high school

MunAlderson said...

Haha, not often do I find a blog post that makes me laugh THAT hard

J. Reaper said...

This is one of the most amazing stories I have ever heard. I am officially in love with your blog, all because of this post. I cannot WAIT to read more.

JoeyPo said...

haha great post man, and pretty badass blog you got going

Araita said...

Lol nice one, also, what does GBC4life stand for?

eXo said...

Thats pretty awesome haha. oops lol

OFCHokkaido said...

Highschool. Ah the good ol days

What's going on in the world? said...

I cannot wait for university, even more so now lol.

"The most awesomest, yet mildly overweight, yellow lab ever" I also have one of these :P

KingKill said...

milwaukee west...never had that :D but awesome story man, keep this stuff up !

Weirdwhirl said...

Bookmarked for later use
*evil laugh*

mrclynch said...

nice blog

DeadBeef said...

Hahaha, well, this could be used for the right and wrong thing...haha

great stuff man, was a wicked read.

" After the smoke finally cleared, the first thing I noticed was that the cabinets next to the range top were charred. Bad? Yes"

this had me in stitches

Friendship Man said...

"chinese new year was happening in my kitchen"
Oh man, I laughed so hard.

PenDRaGoN said...

i lol'd

Fright Vault said...

Eh, our high school senior prank consisted of the guys running through the cafeteria wearing thongs. Weaksauce.

SlowNSteady said...

Lolled at your use of scumbag steve, but I gagged at Milwaukee's Best. That stuff is by far the worst beer I've ever tasted (worst that Natty). I don't know how you could stomach that stuff in highschool, I didn't ever turn to it unless absolutely necessary.

flyingtoaster0 said...

hahah ridiculous ruckus!!

Pyrockk said...

hahaha nice job! :P

AUD said...

Milwaukee's best is not very good but it does the job.

a noodle said...

Cooking an incendiary on high heat. Good idea.

BlairW said...

Here's a tip for your next smoke bomb, baking soda, not a lot usually about a tablespoon does the trick. The baking soda slows the reaction so that you get a longer burn with less fire. A buddy of mine burned himself fairly badly when we forgot the baking soda.