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Sunday, March 27, 2011

Video Games: Chances Are I've (Virtually) Killed You.

          "BOOM! HEADSHOT!" The immortal words of FPS Doug exemplify my adolescents...and beyond. Why did I play video games? Some people were blessed with photographic memories, the dedication to run more than 5 miles without getting bored, or the ability to eat vast amounts of ice cream without getting brain freeze. Not me, I was blessed with impeccable eye-hand coordination, so I figured I might as well use it. I was "pwning" in video games long before First Person Shooters were mainstream (so hipster-esque) or even  invented. Back in the day, I was able to beat Super Mario Brothers in under 10 minutes, finish Contra without using the Konami Code (Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Select Start...just in case you forgot), thoroughly embarrassed the the older kids in the nickel arcade at Street Fighter II and was a force to be reckoned with in Golden Eye.


(Pictured: Duel wielded nostalgia perforating pixelated Russians)

          Despite my grandiose and storied resume of video game accomplishments, I didn't realize my potential until I played a little game called Halo: Combat Evolved. The very first time I played this resplendent game was over a year after it's release. Needless to say there was a steep learning curve. At first I was being slaughtered by my friends. "This aggression will not stand, man." 


          At this point in my life, I didn't own an XBOX and I wasn't about to take a shellacking and injure my gamer's pride. I eventually had a roommate that owned an XBOX, played Halo and introduced me to the original XBOX Live...XBConnect. This mind blowing connection to the gaming world opened my eyes, I saw the light, and it was awesome. I started off in the "n00b" games. But swiftly I climbed the ranks through "n00b" and "l33t" all the way to "godz". At this level, unless you were able to hit two body shots and a head shot with the pistol 90% of the time, you wouldn't enjoy it.

          While climbing the ranks to the "godz" only platform, I decided to change my name. Being the immature person I was (and still am) I changed my name to AIDS. The reason being? Whenever you died in Halo multiplayer, text would appear on your screen stating: "You have been killed by <name>." So every time I killed anyone, it would read to them that they were killed by AIDS. I found great humor in this. By the time Halo 2 came out, I'm pretty sure I (virtually) killed more people than the AIDS epidemic had killed in it's entirety.


Bullet Injected AIDS, That's How I Rolled.

          Soon, my friends no longer wanted to play Halo with me unless I was on their team. After awhile, it actually wasn't even that fun obliterating the people you know and love. Eventually new games were released that drew my attention elsewhere. I reached the highest ranks in Halo 2 and 3. I dabbled in other genres and series like Soul Caliber, God of War and Devil May Cry. However, I was never as good at anything as I was at Halo: CE. 

          I still play video games, but I don't have the time or the dedication I used to have when I was virtually injecting the video gaming world with AIDS. I'm currently trifling with Call of Duty: Black Ops. WHORRENDOUS (spelt incorrectly on purpose) campaign, but the multiplayer makes the game worth purchasing (on discount). In the end, I will always be a gamer. But never again will I be at the apex I was at when playing the original Halo.

46 comments:

Elucid said...

I hear ya about being on the top of your game and then kind of losing it. I guess it's true when we get older, we lose a step or two. But damnit, I'm still out there killing dudes and making them rage quit.

frameaj1 said...

If you play CSS then yes you have probably killed me before.

edlee3tns said...

lol i rember playing goldeneye as a kid i used to always shoot people in the toes...i do not know why

Quetopia said...

Great read man.

Electric Addict said...

video games are a great way to pass the time. too good actually

I finished my 5th music mix. It's quite epic! Check it out =D
Electro Addict 5th Set

J. Reaper said...

Great great story. I used to be awesome at Halo 2 when I owned an Xbox, as well as Counter Strike. Ever since them though, I haven't really found a game that I can call my own. I'm decent at everything I play, but not amazing. Maybe one day I will be a legend again...

EmoGoth said...

The Call of Duty franchise suffers from a positive feedback loop. You get a lot of kills then get perks to kill more people. It gets annoying unless you're the getting the kills.

Astronomy Pirate said...

Jokes on you, I never played xbox online.

Apollo Clothing said...

I went from handheld to PC to system, and now I game less than I did on the PC.

Jared said...

interesting stuff, very in depth. probably part of the reason I always just stuck to slow paced rpgs. . .

Micah Goss said...

Well written and entertaining. Keep it up.

Foto Voter said...

Goldeneye is one of the greatest games of all time.

Synesthetic said...

Man I miss Goldeneye. I wish it worked well with an emulator.

Asty said...

Klobbs. wat?

BOOOOM HEADSHOT.

Kevings said...

Remember it goes both ways lol :P

Thomas Magnussen said...

Keep up the good work!

Photo Blog said...

AAWWW I want my nintendo 64 back! :(

Freddy said...

good text. i really enjoed reading

amBored said...

Bullet Injected AIDS, That's How I Rolled. lol

PossessedWarrior said...

I played through Goldeneye on an emulator just fine.

What's going on in the world? said...

High 5 for geeky gaming! ;D

FSU_Mark said...

Great read...Wish I had my n64 to boot up goldeneye

Chris said...

Goldeneye is ace. Those mines were just disgusting.

Jay said...

Never got into GoldenEye but I know alot of people liked it, must make it a good game :D

Stromatose said...

ack goldeneye.... remdinds me of perfect dark... back when my cousins used to stomp me for hours on end. showed the hell out of them once halo came out and i gained the miraculous ability to stick a grenade on a persons face from half a map away. my friend remembers a match where i used a frag instead of plasma while he was trying to snipe me from a lofty perch on the map hand em high and it bounced off his face causing him to drop his controller in disbelief before killing him utterly. loved that game.

cool_cicler said...

Goldeneye... what a gem... Great read by the way and I ´ll give you an hi5 for this entry

Patti D. said...

bullets with aids?

Lehan said...

Never had an xbox but always wanted to try halo games. This post made me thinking about bying the 360 one with a new halo, lol.

Patrick Holton said...

I know what you mean. I suck at fps games but I can play single-player side-scrollers like nobody's business.

Eric P said...

I used to love goldeneye...one of the main video game memories of my childhood. Endless fun.

Flames said...

Imagine how much more productive we would be off if video games did not exist.

DisposedCheese said...

I feel the same. I can be at the top for majority of the games i play. But then slowly it all becomes a thing of the past.

hoaks2 said...

I haven't really enjoyed that many FPS's since I was a kid. They are fun, but only on LAN.

Azurikai said...

NEVAR KILL ME!

Adrian said...

tomb slayer was a good game!

The Viking said...

Imo Goldeneye and Halo Combat Evolved are the best FPS's.

Bender said...

Goldeneye... those were the times...
I can barely remember but it was fun.

Oscar said...

Whenever I stop playing a game for like, a week, I instantly suck at it.

Anita Johnson said...

I'm a big CSS fan man... BOOM HEADSHOT!

ds said...

I never found Halo so interesting. I think it's quite overrated. I bought my XBOX 360 just because of Halos and I was disappointed.

ggtbishop said...

Dude, Goldeneye was/still is my favorite game, definitely a classic, i enjoy it more than the newer shooters

fabio_2007 said...

great post

glivin said...

Wow, you sound like a true gamer man. I love CSS

Montana said...

I lovvvved GoldenEye for the N64.

Cornflakes said...

Damn, another godz.

WE'RE A DYING BREED BROTHER.

I stopped after Halo 3.

munchies? said...

The Golden Eye screenshot had me in nostalgia. Is it weird I still remember that you had to stun the guard and grab the gun? :D